A Costar Generated Reflection

Do you trust me? 

Image result for aladdin do you trust me gif

How often do we find ourselves asking that question of others but not asking the same of ourselves?

Do you trust me? Maybe the more important question is do I trust me. For some of us, flipping that question around may not yield an easy or comfortable answer.

I do trust me, when it comes to supporting others, following through on tasks/responsibilities, and showing up for people in the ways that I said I would. I consider myself very steady and reliable (yay Capricorn stellium!) and so when others ask if I’m trustworthy as it relates to their needs and engagement with me, I tend to say “yes” without a doubt. 

But do I trust myself to hold the same commitments when it comes to my own needs? Do I trust that I’ll maintain dedication to reach my own goals? Do I trust that I’ll provide sufficient emotional support and kindness to myself in times of need? Do I trust that I’ll be vocal about any unmet wants or needs when it comes to my position in relationships that involve others? Do I trust myself to workout regularly if left to my own devices? Do I trust to stick to eating food that makes me feel good? Do I trust that I would grant myself the space to say no when a commitment no longer supports my best interests? Do I trust myself to restructure my own expectations for myself when I realize they may have gotten too high? 

It’s a little bit harder to say with full confidence that the same trustworthiness I hold for others applies in the ways that I support and treat myself. 

This isn’t to say that I don’t support myself at all. I shuttle myself to therapy sessions to take care of mental health, I’ve gravitated more towards good food that positively fuels me, in recent weeks I’ve made a new gym commitment, and the list goes on. But I do wonder as I reflect in this moment why it took so long for me to take these conscious steps for betterment and support of myself, when if it had been a friend I would have (and probably have for some of my friends and family already) made suggestions and pushed them to make these changes in their own lives a much longer time ago. 

It has definitely taken quite a journey of self awareness to even get to the point where I can realize and begin to articulate the ways in which I don’t trust myself, or the areas I which I see that I could and would like to better support myself. And this support for me will look like acknowledging, loving, and leaning into the negative qualities of myself, the darker sides, and the shadow bits that I like to generally avoid, just as much as I support and show up for the qualities and parts of me that are a bit easier to get along with. So building trust within myself so that I can see, recognize, listen to, and take care of any of my own needs no matter if their coming from a place of insecurity or joy or hyper-perfectionism or gratitude it’s where I find myself in this self awareness journey — learning to see and embrace myself fully and build trust within my relationship to myself so that the next time I ask, do I trust me, the answer will be “yes” with 0% doubt. 

I’m starting to spin within my own heady-ness, are you still with me? Do you still trust me?

These streams of thought are often hard to conclude for me, and with this train of thought I could definitely go on and on. What I’m mainly wondering and wanting to explore is just the idea of building trust within yourself as a foundation to confidence and personal power as you engage with the rest of the world. It wasn’t something that I realized I need to work on until that costar notification popped up for me, but it’s definitely something I’ll be reflecting on and working towards now. And I hope you’ll be inspired and encouraged to do so, too. 

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